Driving Myself Crazy
Confession Time: I like to drive, perhaps a bit too much. In other words, I like to drive a tad fast. And by “a tad,” I mean 5-10 miles per hour over the limit. I know. I’m trying to do better.
The other day, I was meeting someone and found myself leaving the house a bit late. Traffic was such that I didn’t speed… much… but, I did find myself constantly trying to get into whichever lane was currently moving the fastest. I had eight miles to travel in one direction and I noticed that there happened to be a blue SUV in the inside lane as I began the westward trek.
What I noticed the most is that this blue elephant of an SUV stayed in the inside lane and leisurely plodded along, completely unfazed by the constant braking of the other poky vehicles while, in my little red sportscar, I changed lanes whenever I felt I was missing a better opportunity to get ahead. Most aggravatingly, at every stoplight, the blue elephant lumbered right up beside me.
As we made equal progress toward our destination, I felt the Lord tapping me on the shoulder and asking, “Remind you of anything?”
Of course, it did. It reminded me of how I have been learning this year how to stay at peace and in a place of trust while I am working as hard as I can to get to my destination. Figuratively speaking, this year I started off running at break-neck speed toward my goals and the vision the Lord had given me. Soon, I was panting and struggling to breathe and, even though I was exhausted, my mind would constantly swirl with ideas of how to “get there.”
There are endless options and ideas and so, so, so much advice out there of all the ways I could be doing more. Periodically, I found myself in the mode of thinking that if an idea presented itself, I must do it – and do it NOW! It was like I was constantly trying to find the best lane to drive in. When I would find myself stuck in full-speed mode, I would be utterly depleted, reminding me that the Lord simply wanted me to do what He told me to do each day.
It was stunning to see how much peace simple obedience brought me. I realized that I am so much of a slave driver with myself, whereas the Lord is gentle and leads me at the speed He knows works for me – and my family. He never overloads or leaves me to handle things or figure them out on my own.
The refrain I repeat to myself is, “I’m simply obedient every day and I trust You with the outcome, Lord.” When my head starts to swirl again and I feel the urge to run willy-nilly to “make stuff happen,” I repeated tell the Lord, “The results are Your business; I’m just doing what You tell me today.”
He guides my steps as He promises in His Word, as I commit to following just Him and not the myriad of voices telling me that my best is never enough. I am amazed at the energy, joy and peace I have when I yoke myself to the One who pulls with me and gives me no more than I can bear.
“Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him, and he will act.” Psalm 37:5